Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Guilty

Things I should feel shame about, yet I don’t:
  • Sometimes in the middle of an excruciatingly slow book… I’ll flip to the back and read the ending. If I hear a movie has a twist, in most cases I will google it and get the 411 beforehand. I’m one of those people that’s generally pretty stoic, but sudden twists and surprises tap into my sensitivity and I refuse to be shocked into tears and agony! Obviously, I hate surprises.
  • Drinking Pepsi. My ultimate guilty pleasure [but hey, we all have/need one]. It’s that crack!
  • If I have a few days or even weeks off, I can and will sleep 10-12 hours a day. An alarm clock is often no match for me when my body is determined to sleep! Yes, sometimes I sleep the day away. It's not always as awesome as it sounds. Sometimes I wake up feeling very well-rested, and other times I wake up feeling like I’ve been hit by a truck. Either way, I usually get very little done that day.
  • A three bag pile up of dirty laundry.
  • Leaving the dishes in the sink overnight. Sometimes I just can’t be bothered. And seriously if someone is going to be upset about dishes in the sink, they need write a letter to the Devil and ask him to grace them with some real problems. Because, I mean, really.
  • Being elitist. Yes I discriminate. I by no means desire to be mingling closely with ignorant, uncouth, slovenly, has more kids than fingers, comfortably living off the government type of individuals of any race or age. And if I meet one I will probably run the other way because if I attempted a conversation with one, my brain might just explode. That stuff is contagious!!!
  • Telling people off. I’m pretty reasonable and cool-headed, and things don’t usually escalate to an angry level until I’ve had enough. When it gets to that point, the ensuing conversation is just unbelievably epic. It’s even better when I’m dealing with someone who wants to argue back. They never win or make their point because they usually don’t have one!
  • Cutting in front of people. In NYC getting through a crowd is a series of carefully crafted bobs and weaves. I will cut right through a couple if they’re walking too slow. I will cut off a family that’s just trudging slowly along the street. And if there’s a crowd on the sidewalk waiting to cross the street, I just have to zigzag my way to the front. Which is silly because in the event a car decides to strike all of us, I’d get hit first. But apparently, I'll do what I have to do just to be a leader.
  • I’m not a pet person. I think dogs [fuck cats!] are adorable and friendly but I'm not into the idea of one living with me because I believe animals should be in the wild; unfettered, licking their asses, and hunting and shit. I also think an added advantage of having animals roam free is that they can poop with free will, and I won't be forced to pick it up. That is just wonderful. My selfishness also has some bearing on this belief [but that’s another story for another day]. I feel the worst for birds trapped all day in cages though. I mean, really folks, what are you thinking?! I hate people sometimes.
  • I cannot hide how I feel. I have a face that tends to say it all. If there’s a funky smell my face will say “Who didn’t wash up?!” If I’m weirded out, I will have this strange lil half smile on as I’m trying to get along. I even make faces at interesting people/events on the subway… my favorite being a subtle “Tha fuck?!” face, eyebrows all scrunched. It’s great though because people can always tell how I'm feeling.
  • On the rare occasion that I am forced to canoodle with someone I don't particularly care for; I keep it classy and concise or just ignore them. It’s not even overt ignoring, I just behave as if they’re not even in the room. I usually have a very valid reason for flat out disliking a person. I’ve usually gotten to know them and decided they weren’t for me [or in some cases, anyone]. They either know [because I’ve already told them off!] or have an idea [because my facial expressions never lie] and the ignoring is way more effective than shit-talking. When you talk shit all you do is let the other person know that they’re at the forefront of your mind, and obviously important to you. When you ignore, they wonder. Then, you're on their mind versus them being on yours. It’s like magic! Now if they want to come over, be proper and say hello, I’ll think to myself “My, aren’t you bold!” and exchange pleasantries because they’re human, but no such “Damn girl, I am just loving your outfit. Did you do something new to your hair?!” I am not fond of coming off two-faced and hypocritical. I keeps it real. Now if they come at me all ugly and such, I’ll just have to excuse myself and walk away. A true lady doesn’t not beat bitches down in public, and most certainly not while she’s wearing her finest. Plus, I know I don’t carry Vaseline while I’m out at nice places.
  • When I’m home, especially for extended periods of time, I am makeup-less, hair looking crazy, dressed in loose [kinda baggy] PJs or something or the sort, with no undergarments on. Oh well! I can’t look like a Victoria's Secret Model all the time.
  • My 65 lip glosses, lipsticks, lip balms. SIXTY FIVE. That's enough for all the children in a Little Miss Pretty Pageant! Okay I’m lying, I do feel a little shame about this. Any takers?
Remember to stay true to yourself, do what you feel is right... and fuck guilt!

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Be succinct and keep it classy :)