Monday, March 30, 2009


I've just spent the early morning hours simultaneously scaring the shit out of and disgusting myself by reading about various NYC based deaths and murders; the Central Park Jogger, Imette St. Guillen, Nixzmary Brown, Sabrina Green, Catherine Woods, Tiesha Sargeant, Lynda Hong, Laura Garza, Jennifer Levin and a few others. [Now would be a good time to mention that I find stories of crime - especially murder - morbidly fascinating and intriguing. I hate the idea that people are murdered across the world for senseless reasons, but the stories pull me in. I wonder what was going through the killer's head, I empathize with the victims, I want to know all the details and all the different motives. I'm interested in how the justice system handles different cases, and more importantly, I want to understand crime to potentially prevent it.]

The various tragedies brought so many emotions and thoughts to my mind:
  • There are lots of psychopaths running around, and childhood trauma compared with current intense emotion can drive people to do absolutely insane things. People should be tested before they can reproduce. 
  • People, women especially really need to listen to their gut and be careful what kinds of people [especially guys] they associate with. Many of women I highlighted above were murdered by ex-boyfriends, or shady men they were spending too much time with! Which brings me to my next question...
  • At any point did their [I'm taking about the adults] alarm bells go off? I've nary been in a situation where mine were ringing off full blast, but I have thought to myself "I don't know about this guy..." upon hanging out with someone strange. Something told me that they'd be the type to go ahead and do some deranged shit had I given them a "reason". That was enough for my ass to hightail it out of there and never see the guy again.
  • A few of the victims were described as vivacious, special, attractive girls, which of course unnerves me because that's pretty much my personality in a nutshell. I'm a target!!! You think I'm kidding but that realization actually scared the shit out of me.
  • One of my biggest fears is to be murdered. How horrific and unfair. I don't always think murderers should receive the death penalty [although an eye for an eye sounds perfect in many cases], but I think that they should without a doubt no question be in jail for life. Especially if it was gruesome and/or premeditated. I mean, what is with this 25 years bullshit?! Don't have me in the courtroom cause I will make fool outta myself screaming "LIFE! LIFE!" and then have to be dragged outside. A person who commits that kind of crime is not a person who is fit to live amongst society.
  • I need some pepper spray ASAP!!!
  • I am huge on justice ["I'm for truth no matter who tells it, I am for justice no matter who it's for or against..." - Malcom X] and the cases that go unsolved grind my gears so bad! I'm relieved when cases get solved, but it's so incredibly frustrating to me that even though the psychopath is behind bars, their motives still go largely unknown.
  • Another thought I had upon reading those heartbreaking stories was that I've been very lucky. Despite being accosted by a few bozos, and pushed upon sexually [fortunately, in a non violent way] I have been in pretty safe situations. What the hell has stopped me from ending up in 16 pieces and dumped into the Hudson River?! [no disrespect Angel Melendez]. Who knows?! But whatever I'm doing, I better keep doing it.
When I first moved to the city not too long ago; I was naive, bouncy and full of life. I had no reservations about going over stranger's houses, or inviting acquaintances to my workplace or my home. I thought nothing of giving out my phone number, having casual friends pick me up, or riding in cars with boys I barely knew. I was crazy!!! [In truth, I was very naive and always saw the good in people, and I had no real point of reference for what crazy looked like]. I attracted all sorts of wayward individuals, but despite my naïveté, I think I stayed safe because I always heeded that 'feeling' deep down. In the end, my gut always told me what I needed to do. It was like my mommy. Thank goodness the city has a quick and rough way of toughening you up or else my "come one, come all" personality may have suffered some hard lessons.

So the lesson here people is Listen to your gut! Listen to friends and families' guts too... [sometimes other people can see what we clearly cannot], stay away from controlling, jealous, and narcissistic types, be careful with ex-boyfriends, lock your doors; and if you ever suspect, see or hear about any type of child endangerment... call social services ASAP. I've done it before, and even if it was a false alarm, it's better to be safe than sorry. There is no shame in my game! We can't save everyone but it doesn't hurt to try.

Remember to be smart, keep your eyes open, and your hands on the mace.

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