Sunday, April 19, 2009

Outbound

Beyond the Horizon - Leonid Kozienko

Never did I think I’d have to take out my own garbage. Back home, my brother always did that! To me it was, and still is a man’s job. Every week I cross my fingers hoping my male roommate has taken care of it. I don’t know how to separate the recyclables!

A part of me embraces and relishes my freedom and independence, another part of me recoils at it. I love paying bills and sleeping whenever and leaving mugs on my nightstand. I hate cooking for one in a cramped kitchen, grocery shopping, setting up a day for laundry. I like sorting my piles when I feel like it, buying Starbucks and cheap jewelry with my last few dollars and organizing my shit the way I so desire. I hate setting up appointments, seeing doctors, managing a schedule, trying to budget. I like being on the phone whenever I want, sitting in the middle of my bed in underwear, coming home at 3am and crashing. I hate early mornings, job searching “selling myself”, and most of all; I hate the weight of it being ALL on my shoulders –because sometimes you just need a fucking break. [Imagine having kids? It would be like all that hate hate hate times two. Goodness.]

I don’t exactly know what made me rush into independence and how I’m even doing it. I believe I slowly got fed up of following others, and one day I suddenly got the urge to do things myself. I had had jobs before [my first paycheck bought me a diamond necklace and a pair of Antik Denim] but that was just the beginning. Moving out is what did it for me. I took some baby steps at 17 by moving in with my sister. Two years later, I was being overworked and underpaid as a nanny by a ladder-climbing Jewish couple. But nonetheless, the few hundred I made a week felt like gold. [Well liquid gold if you want to look at how fast I spent it.] I remember thinking “Wow. I am really doing it. I am on my own, making my own money and my own rules.” I was so SO proud of myself, and despite the lack of support from friends and family, I kept chugging! It was an amazing feeling.

Now it’s been almost two years since that summer, and I’m just farther along on that same path. I want to take that independence in another direction and own things, build things, run things. [We don’t run we run shit!]. I want to get out of debt, buy a home, get a prenup and live happily ever after.

Remember to be smart and that at the end of the day, you stand alone.

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Be succinct and keep it classy :)