Friday, May 15, 2009

Fabulist

Let’s talk about liars and people who lie [there’s a difference]. I once had a suitor lie to me for months about smoking pot- something he knew was a deal breaker for me. When he eventually came clean I was more frustrated with being lied to than the act itself [not to mention I felt silly for not figuring it out sooner but hey!]. In the end, I merely considered him someone who had lied.

There's a woman in my family who I'm paradoxically close to; she's a shameless woman, and she's a liar. Born and bred, within and throughout. Besides my her name and birth date, the little that I know about her is a bunch of falsehoods. A mess of loosely woven lies based on some tiny shred of truth. Needless to say she’s crazy. And also quite obvious is that despite her example, I decided to head down the opposite route and adopt honesty.

Why do people lie? Why do some feel no guilt over it? On the flipside, why are some people so brutally honest? Truth shouldn’t always have to hurt and there are some things you need to really think about letting out of the bag. Hello, good judgment! People act like they don’t know what that is anymore. But anywho. There are small lies: “Oh your skin doesn’t look broken out!”, big lies: “I don’t do crack anymore, I just sell it”, and devastating lies: “Honey, don't be silly, little Timmy looks nothing like the milkman!”

I had a roommate who, I felt, was a pathological liar. I know that a lot of his tales and stories were shared to illicit a sympathetic reaction from me; but as soon as I caught on to the bullshit, my heart went stone cold. This guy would tell me tales of previous illness, family drama, all sorts of connections his family had with somewhat famous folk. This man would proceed to “faint” on the kitchen floor after - sometimes during - our [mostly verbal] fights. Knowing he was trying to get a reaction out of me, I stepped right over his limp body into my bedroom. I am not stupid and I am not in theater. He did other insane, manipulative things but none of them pertain to this topic.

Remember that teacher in High School who started everyone in the class at 100%, and would then deduct your grade for failed tests, poor attendance or late homework? Well that’s kind of how I work. I initially trust what people say and believe they're being honest with me. It bugs me when people lie to me because I’m very laid-back about things and try not to be too judgmental. I feel that I'm someone people can afford to be honest with. Everyone I meet starts at 100%; a flawless record, a clean slate. Sometimes they stay in the top 20%, other times they fail [sometimes within the first semester!] and need to be dropped. Like I’ve said before on another topic, that lack of integrity is contagious!

I haven’t met that many chronic liars, but now they seem pretty easy to sniff out. I remember details. I ask lots of questions and always note inconsistencies. I don’t seek out lies, they just become apparent to me, almost like they rise to the top on their own. The desire some people have to maintain their delusions is quite sickening. They want to raise themselves up but are only bringing themselves down. They want to pretend they are someone they are not. Or sometimes, they just want to protect themselves from judgment or a verbal or physical lashing [which is understandable].

But when you tell the truth you don't have to keep tracj of what youy say, and you don't have to go so hard to defend yourself when someone opposes your point.  "You don't have to defend the truth, the truth defends itself." Remember to be smart, and if you’re gonna lie, make it an eensy one.

2 comments:

  1. I have read all your postings, it's really quite pleasant to read them. Continue writing and I'll continue reading!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wow, I am blushing Janine ;-) Please continue reading and sharing your thoughts!

    ReplyDelete

Be succinct and keep it classy :)