Thursday, January 28, 2010

Him

I met him exactly two weeks after I wrote this.

He literally just... popped up one day. We met on New Years Eve, through what would turn out to be an ex friend for both of us [for reasons related to us and reasons not]. I dismissed the possibility of any potential almost as quickly as I noticed his good looks. Nothing against him but the truth was, I wasn't particularly lucky in the past and didn't think the tide was changing anytime soon.

Despite the black cloud hanging over my heart, I was my typical self: pleasant and inquisitive, because lord knows I can't pass up chatting up someone new. So I just yapped and yapped and yapped while he listened calmly and attentively, glancing over to me every so often with his deep brown eyes. Over time I saw that we seemed to share a unique perspective and at one point over diner food, we locked into a gaze and I thought we'd had a moment. But as he quickly turned away, so did I, telling myself it was nothing.

About an hour later he planted a kiss on me in my living room, leaving me with his number and surprisingly short of breath.

And two weeks after that night, he asked me to be with him. A month after I put that cry out into the world, I had met him. My boyfriend.

Perplexing, isn't it?

He's compassionate, down to earth, charming, honest and thoughtful. He makes me feel warm and accepted and safe. I love his eyes, his lips, his voice, his mind.

I even adore the "crappy" stuff. He doesn't take my shit and doesn't laugh at all my jokes. But when he does laugh, it's all the better. He has a nasty habit and apparently so do I - and we are working on abolishing these things in light of each other. He's tall and I'm short. He's white and I'm tan [a fact that I seem to be more obsessed with than he].

He is pure and has restored a faith in me I thought was lost.

I was never truly positive I'd meet someone like him. But I scrounged up some courage and put one of my deepest desires out there for all to see. And then I did.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Snap

Oh my. How much has changed. How things people fall apart. And oh how quickly. Like the snap! of a rubberband.

My experiences the past few weeks have only given me a stronger sense of self. I now know who not to take my chances with [hint: when you get a funny feeling about someone at first meeting, it's probably best not to proceed any further]. I know that I can still throw a mighty verbal punch [I still don't regret snapping the way I did]. And I know now, what I've always known: that I'm intimidated by no one, and no one can ever break my spirit.

To the few lowlifes who tried [and failed miserably] to break me down a few weeks ago, I want to remind you of this: I'm gorgeous and brilliant and happy and I'm here to stay muthafuckasssss! HAPPY NEW YEAR and good luck to you broads... because you're gonna need it. If my targets aren't sure I'm aiming at them, they can contact me to be sure. I'll gladly throw it down. Plus, how else will I know they're reading?

I am glad that the ugly came out. I am angry at how it came out. But something beautiful did come out of it. Actually many beautiful things came out of it. The most beautiful of which being the fact that I'm still, to my haters chagrin, happy. I keep mentioning it not to convince myself, but because it feels so damn good to say and I'm enjoying myself right now.

One piece of beautiful news is that I'm finally going to be living alone! Ain't that somethin' to rejoice about!?

Two thousand ten is a new year baby! I'm on a mission; and whoever is in my way better move, because I'm not playing nice. Enough of the boring business... the laziness... the insane associates... the negative energy... the fear of the unknown... the choice to do nothing [which is also a choice, thanks Penelope Trunk!]... I've been saying it for awhile but... 

It's time to make moves.

Starting with seeing this young lady in concert tonight. Oh snap!

This is her discussing her deal with Polaroid. She's always two steps ahead of the interviewer. It's delicious.

I love the Lady because she always knows what she's talking about.  She can explain to you, in the most eloquent way, why she does what she does, why she'll continue doing it proudly, and why you're wrong about her.

And trust me, that takes some genius.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Proust

My idea of perfect happiness is an honest life full of passion, fulfillment, laughs, and free of worries.

My greatest fear is mediocrity.

The living person I most admire is currently Kelly Cutrone. She keeps things extra real. LADY GAGA FOREVER AND FOR ALWAYS [Jan 2011 edit]

The words or phrases I overuse are... I dunno. I think my vocabulary is pretty fresh.

The trait I most deplore in myself is that I'm a worrier. Worrying deprives me of the present.

What I dislike most about my appearance is my weak teeth. I've spent way too much money straightening them and I get cavities like nothing!

The living person I most despise is... Tyra Banks. [I think.] Haters can also go kick rocks. I never believed in haters before until I started encountering them left and right!

The greatest love of my life is dance.

The talent I would most like to have is knowing every language in the world.

If I could change one thing about myself it would be my propensity to worry/stress/fret.

If I could change one thing about my family it would be the lack of unison.

If I were to die and come back as someone or a thing it would be a flapper from the 20s, a hippie from the 70s or Lady Gaga from the 00s.

My most treasured possession is my book of poetry.

My favorite occupation is chatting it up with someone new, awaiting that internal ding! that signals to me that we've clicked.

My most marked characteristic is my wisdom, straightforwardness and determination.

I most value purity, loyalty, intelligence and ambition in my friends.

My favorite writers are myself and many other undiscovered bloggers/writers out there!

My hero in real life exists within.

I most dislike imbalance.

I would like to die at peace.

My motto is "Live and let live."