Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Friends & Foes

[Editors note: I totally forgot I wrote this a while back and I'm not sure why I hadn't yet put it up. I must have been mad when I wrote it because it is FIYAH! Enjoy.]

I will admit [and stand by the fact] that I have bugged the fuck out on some people. Most people have chosen to bow out of my life gracefully rather than get on my bad side. Others have stepped into the kitchen only to realize they couldn't handle the heat. I wonder if that misstep remains one of their biggest regrets?

I am a lofty, understanding, logical person. Most things don't bother me and I don't consider myself a petty or negative individual. I do however demand respect, consideration and understanding since I give it in heaps. When I don't receive it in return, generally the relationship goes out the window.

People seem to expect very little from their friends nowadays. My requirements for friends are almost as extensive as my A-List. [See my B-List.]

I have a little saying and it goes "I treat people how they deserve to be treated." I am of the belief that not everyone deserves my kindness and those same fools definitely don't deserve my time.

There are certain qualities I keep an eye out for when it comes to making friends. I like intelligence, drive and honesty. A good moral character and a good genuine heart are essential. It's a plus if they are attractive and presentable. Whoever disagrees with that last one must not live in New York City and/or go out much.

What I won't tolerate are slackers, attention whores, idiots, arrogance, low self-esteem, tempers, druggies and alcoholics, constant negativity, creepers [oh the range of characters that "creepers" encompasses!] manipulators [I encounter this far more frequently than the oft hated "liar"], all about me-ers, class clowns, homebodies, parents [not at my age], die-hard republicans, and all the people in this life who aren't true and pure and real. I understand these requirements rule out 99% of mankind, but I'm okay with that. I am perfect and I don't have patience for any of that shit. Those are people I don't deal with anymore

People who don't know how to act don't last long in my world either. Mistakenly trying to cramp my style will not get you another invite out with me, period. If we go out and you're in the corner complaining and on your phone - see ya! - I'm off to have fun and find a new friend. Expecting to ride in on my awesome coat tails? Enhhh wrong! Next contestant.

In all seriousness, it must suck to be nexted.

Anyway. Another no can do are delusional individuals. I cannot tell you how many "ballers" who "pop champagne with models" I know who live at home and have no money. Fresh kicks and a cut and frontin' extra hard. Get a fucking reality check. I know where you live - in a 3 bedroom apt with your aunt, grandma, mom, 6 cousins and 3 friends to boot. Shut the fuck up or at least get acquainted with some "real talk".

I just can't do it y'all.

I can rag on these guys because I live in New York City [not the hood], alone, for a price that would make your jaw drop. I do not depend on Mommy and Daddy's money and haven't since I was 17 [and my dependence on them prior to that age is debatable]. I hustle and work my ass off, and I have NEVER shown or sold my ass to do it [shout out to all the "model/singer/actresses" out there trynna make it!] Basically what I'm trynna say is I'm ill! [Rahhh rahhh!] andddd you need to get on my level. 

Seriously though, I do my thang, and shout out to all the young'ns out there doing the same. Not only that but I have real sheets and real dishes, a stocked fridge, and a closet that could rival Carrie Bradshaw's. Now all I need is a Beamer, Benz [preferably] or Bentley, and a book deal and I'm ready to go.

With all this being said, I am not quick to anger. I'm huge on communication and I'm not scared to confront anyone or bring up an issue. As a matter of fact, a lot of the time I hesitate to speak because I'm thinking of a way to bring the issue up without the guilty party resorting to tears. But I'll admit, sometimes all the tact in the world can't save the defendant from my verbal guillotine.

I'm a jerk...

I know.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Notice

Please update your bookmarks to www.BlueShame.com

I'm not sure if it makes a difference to anyone [or my tracker], but I just wanted to make an official announcement that the domain has been mine. MWAHWHAWHHWHAHWA!!!

Also shout out to Denmark! I can see on my stats that you've been reading BlueShame faithfully and it makes me totally school-girl excited to know that people outside of the U.S. are interested in what this snobby ass New Yorker has to say. Other countries of note: Singapore, Argentina, New Zealand and Romania. I kind of wanna say 'Where the hell is Romania?' but how ignorant is THAT, so instead I'll say keep reading and I'll keep writing.

I may not say a word but I notice and acknowledge every single person who takes the time to acknowledge me and my little page.

The love is amazing.

Thank you kindly,
Lady Blue 
xoxo

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

NyMag's 21 Questions


Name: Lady Blue
Age: 22
Neighborhood: New York City [the vagueness kills you, doesn’t it?]
Occupation: Blogger/Slacker/Go-Getter

Who's your favorite New Yorker, living or dead, real or fictional?
Carrie from Sex and The City is such a clichĂ© answer, but we all know the reason why she's so infamous. She represents a lot of young female New Yorkers and her story and "life" resonates very strongly amongst us. Kelly Cutrone is great, but I love her in the way that you can love someone you've never met and only heard and seen which is to say, not really at all. I wanna say John D. Rockefeller just for that bad-ass name - but I don’t really know who my favorite New Yorker is. I suppose it’s not important.

Weak intro!


[EDIT: Upon further review four months later, I'm shocked I didn't blurt out the real object of my adoration, New Yorker or not: Lady Gaga. So, I stand corrected. The reason being I find her to be highly intelligent and a true hustler - a blonde reminder of myself.]

What's the best meal you've eaten in New York?
I don't think I've had one bad meal in this city. And that's saying a lot for a constantly dissatisfied, bored, condescending bitch.  

In one sentence, what do you actually do all day in your job?
Brainstorm about my relatable experiences or advice I can give, write about it, edit out all personal details and offensive material [80% of my post] and then publish it!

What was your first job in New York?
I was a live in nanny which was fine except for the live-in part, but even that I don’t totally mean because I lived in Chelsea and was close to all the “hot spots”. I put it upon myself though, I was in such a rush to live in the city, and that was the only way I knew how to immediately make it happen.

What's the last thing you saw on Broadway?
In The Heights, before that it was Mamma Mia like two years back, then a few years before that it was STOMP [does that even count?] and before that it was Beauty and the Beast in the THIRD GRADE. I didn’t get out much as a kid.

Do you give money to panhandlers?
Whenever I feel threatened or whenever their story makes me feel a really unbearable, crippling sadness. Which is more often than you think and I expect.

What's your drink?
CAIPIRINHA. Shit is like wired lemonade. Amazing. Brazil lives!

How often do you prepare your own meals?
About 3 times a week, usually something simple and quick like pasta, or bacon and eggs or cereal. Ahem.

What's your favorite medication?
I hate ALL drugs, but if it comes down to it Advil usually does the trick. Oh! And any skincare meds… they keep my skin clear and glowing!

What's hanging above your sofa?
If I had a sofa I would just put it in the middle of the room. Because I’m obnoxious.

How much is too much to spend on a haircut?
$100+ I mean it’s an art but it’s not that much of an art. DEVACHAN SALON I’M LOOKING AT YOU!

When's bedtime?
Lately it’s been whenever I’m sleepy. I gave up on trying to rise and shine at the crack of dawn everyday and going to bed at a “reasonable time”. Someone once told me to just sleep whenever I felt sleepy which I thought was great advice, even though she was severely depressed. We all know time is a social construct anyway... [O_o]

Which do you prefer, the old Times Square or the new Times Square?
Can’t we just have a nice middle ground? A huge ferris wheel, starbucks flavored cotton candy and Duane Reade vending machines that sell soda pop, crack and condoms? Times Square? Call me.

What do you think of Donald Trump?
When I think of Donald Trump, I think of the power of hype, but I also think about his daughter Ivanka, which never fails to creep me out because I feel like her face is way too reminiscent of a Barbie Halloween mask to be normal. Hallelujah!

What do you hate most about living in New York?
High cost of rent, the competition in some careers/jobs, the dirt, all the fucking people!!! [sometimes], the crazies, the bullshitters, the posers and the fact that it can be hard to line up schedules and actually chill with people because everyone’s working 3 jobs to stay afloat. So that’s all :)

Who is your mortal enemy?
All the people who passed on interviewing me because I didn’t have a college degree!

When's the last time you drove a car?
The last time I tried to learn in like 2006. Twenty minutes and many tears later I decided, ‘This shit ain’t for me and I’m moving to New York City.’

How has the Wall Street crash affected you?
Bankers aren’t as quick to make it rain on me at the club.

Times, Post, or Daily News?
I read the NYT when I can get my hands on it.

Where do you go to be alone?
Home!!!

What makes someone a New Yorker?
If you feel as comfortable in a swanky club as you do in a hole-in-the-wall pub, you’re a New Yorker. If you hang out in Harlem and in SoHo, you’re a New Yorker. If you've been to the Central Park Zoo and the Bronx Zoo you’re a New Yorker. This city is all about change and discovery and different cultures and lives coming together. If you only live and breathe in one area of this city with the same type of people, then boy you’re missing out! Oh and, you’re not really a New Yorker.

Check out my comments over at NYMag as well as my profile.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Routine II

Rise and Grind.

Most mornings my alarm goes off, and if it's a song I like, I'll lay in bed, half enjoying it, half trying to sleep through it. If it's annoying chit chatter, I'll hit the snooze button for 10 minutes and hope that I don't sleep another 30. The alarm goes off again, I check the time, rub the sleep out of my eyes and trudge out of bed. My tiny apartment is dim and silent in the mornings and smells faintly of vanilla. While I walk to the bathroom I think 'I should really get up earlier so I could enjoy some coffee in the mornings', but these thoughts are in vain. I have a can of Cafe Bustelo collecting dust because of my laziness and preference for comfort. I am not a morning person. I take a look in the mirror, make sure everything is still there and load up the toothbrush. Then I walk into my closet [multi-tasking at its finest] and pick out what I'm going to wear that day, usually something weather appropriate. Then I'll tell myself to hurry, because as usual, I haven't given myself enough time to get ready in the morning. I wash my face and put on skin treatments and sun block, and get dressed. Then I fuss with my hair, put on a little color, grab my bag, some snacks, my keys, and head out the door.

I walk the 8ish minutes to the train, meanwhile avoiding every glance, every leer, every stare. I think 'Why do men do this?' and even consider screaming but instead I avert my eyes and keep them focused on the few feet ahead of me. I jog up the subway stairs and it seems like no matter how many times I do it, it knocks the wind out of me. 'I'm hungry', I think and silently vow to wake up earlier next time. I sit down, and notice all the female eyes scanning me up and down. I'm too tired and focused on when the next train will arrive to even care what THEY look like. The train arrives and there is rarely ever a seat, so I stand quietly, somewhere near the doors. I spend most of the commute scrolling through my phone, jotting down things I need to remember, browsing twitter/facebook, wondering what my homies and the rest of the world are up to. I wonder how late I'll be to work. Usually no more than 15 minutes. I vow to be on time one day, and then remember, that I am not a morning person.

Forty five minutes later, I arrive at my place of employment and sit at my desk. It's pretty quiet all day. I answer phones, a few calls every hour. And if the callers are nice, I'm nice; if they're mean, I just may not accommodate them. I work by myself, I eat lunch by myself, but I have no complaints. Sometime throughout the day I'll grumble to myself that I need more hours, only to remind myself that this definitely isn't what I want to be doing forever and ever. I wonder what it is exactly that I want to do. I'm not entirely sure but I just keep pushing on with my ideas and concepts. I keep writing because love it and it keeps me sane. And I keep having faith and hope and dreams and goals, because that's the only way I know how to be. Something deep down tells me that I'll be where I want and need to be one day and I can do nothing else but believe it. Does that make sense?

Six or eight hours later, I'm free, back out into the hustling and bustling downtown New York City streets. Sometimes I'm so tired or zen that I just go home eat, read and relax. Sometimes I'll run across town to my favorite stores, to see if I come across something I like that I haven't seen before. Sometimes I'll do dinner or attend some event somewhere in the city. And sometimes I'll just go party.


If I decide to stay in, I'll ride home, strip, shower, and unwind with some music, some reads, dinner or some snacks. I might write, do some short errands [groceries, tailor]. I might get on the phone and kill two hours discussing current events in my life and some of my ideas for my life. I'll crash once my brain starts to feel like it's fizzing out, or when I've realized that I'm only gonna get 6 hours of sleep.

If I decide to head out, I'll go home and shower, and wander around my apartment in undergarments and smelling like CandyLand until I figure out what to wear. An hour or so later, I'm glammed up and ready to hit the streets of New York, usually by myself since rolling with people is too much hassle for me. I get to the spot, and glide inside after a seamless entry... The music is the usual, top 40 and Hip Hop. I silently vow to find a swank lounge that plays R&B, if it even exists anymore. I scan the crowd, the usual schmoes, nothing special. I drink a little cranberry and vodka because I'm thirsty and then I'll find my way up top... Some spot above the crowd, where I can dance alone, uninterrupted and freely. It doesn't always work since sometimes there's a thirsty bottom of the barrel type dude panting and pawing at my feet... but I just hit the ignore button and keep groovin. Sometimes I'll get thrown a business card, or stopped for a number, but I always know where it's gonna go. Very few men have potential with me. But we all knew that. By the time I get home, I'm high off NYC life and pretty spent.

Sometimes I'll hop in a cab if I'm feeling special, most of the time I'll ride the train back. Sometimes returning home feels faster than leaving. I get inside, drop all my stuff, shower, scrub off my day and fall into bed, filled with joy at the prospect of sleeping through the morning and welcoming another glorious day.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Laws II

My take on the The 48 Laws of Power continued... 

Law 13
When Asking for Help, Appeal to People’s Self-Interest, Never to their Mercy or Gratitude
If you need to turn to an ally for help, do not bother to remind him of your past assistance and good deeds.  He will find a way to ignore you.  Instead, uncover something in your request, or in your alliance with him, that will benefit him, and emphasize it out of all proportion.  He will respond enthusiastically when he sees something to be gained for himself.

I agree that trying to coerce anyone to do anything for you with the statement "You owe me one" will get you nowhere fast. People are selfish, and regardless of if they owe you one or not, they  will probably [conveniently] forget. Genuinely do as much as you reasonably can for others, and trust they will not hesitate to help you once your turn comes around.

Law 14
Pose as a Friend, Work as a Spy
Knowing about your rival is critical.  Use spies to gather valuable information that will keep you a step ahead.  Better still: Play the spy yourself.  In polite social encounters, learn to probe.  Ask indirect questions to get people to reveal their weaknesses and intentions.  There is no occasion that is not an opportunity for artful spying.

No no no no! We are not in a movie. I'm mad they even called it spying. Relax. Shit might often sink, but good shit is supposed to float, and it will eventually come up to the surface. I think even for the best players in the game, whatever you try to hide comes to light. As for everyone else, they are too stupid to conceal anything for long.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Laws

The 48 Laws of Power has come into my hands... and I find it interesting, not necessarily good but interesting. The book relies on one dimensional generalizations/stereotypes of people [all your friends are jealous of you, miserable people will kill you, etc etc]- and operates around a belief system that suggests that no matter how smarmy you behave, you can con people into thinking the absolute best of you. Which to me of course, is absolute bullshit. This is my take on if these "laws" are bad, good or great; and how I apply them to my life in personal and business matters. ["48 Laws" text snatched from here.]

Law 1
Never Outshine the Master

Always make those above you feel comfortably superior. In your desire to please or impress them, do not go too far in displaying your talents or you might accomplish the opposite – inspire fear and insecurity. Make your masters appear more brilliant than they are and you will attain the heights of power.

Law 1 is just a lesson in humility. If you are humble, it won't be difficult for you to know when to "shut up and know your place." You never want to dumb yourself down, but it's important to learn people's "style" and mimic it back to them - as that makes them feel comfortable. If you are lucky, you will already know how to do this naturally.

Law 2
Never put too Much Trust in Friends, Learn how to use Enemies

Be wary of friends-they will betray you more quickly, for they are easily aroused to envy. They also become spoiled and tyrannical. But hire a former enemy and he will be more loyal than a friend, because he has more to prove. In fact, you have more to fear from friends than from enemies. If you have no enemies, find a way to make them.

This is funny to me. Funny as in "this milk smells funny." Any friend who ever betrayed me didn't come as a total surprise. One girl turned sour anytime I shared good news, a teenage friend of mine was possessive and a bit "single white female", and many others were deeply self-hating and insecure. I think this should be changed to "Don't put too much trust in friends who are funny money"... matter fact, don't even have them as friends at all. That's something that I even, I, the almighty Lady Blue, need to learn. And this talk about making enemies? Don't try to make them... or else you'll acquire a lot more than you would have originally had. Haters abound because there will always be someone against whatever you are doing or saying.