Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Birthday

The Brooklyn Bridge's 125th Birthday by Matthew K.

Tomorrow is my 23rd birthday. Due to procrastination, I haven't yet decided what I'm doing to celebrate [I don't want my friends to deal with the hassle of a club, and I have yet to find a restaurant with the right feel]... But since I'm such a giver, I have a special surprise for you guys so that you can celebrate with me.

So tell a friend, and stay tuned since it will be unveiled tomorrow. Oh, and if anyone would like to do a little more than just wish me a half-hearted Happy Birthday!, you can holla at my wishlist. FYI: I like anything that's nice.

As a birthday gift to myself, I decided I will no longer be publishing mean-spirited comments left by anyone, especially the usual camp of anonymous lurkers. There's really no need for me to give hate [but mostly stupidity] a space in which to thrive or shine. I'm growing up, and it truly is time to leave all that shit in the shadows. I'm a beautiful and brilliant young girl, a savvy worker and a warm person and if someone has something to say about that, then they can write me an email... But of course they won't.

Anyway.

23 is a big deal, nah mean?!
Wow. It's another year my friends! Another glorious year. And I feel good.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Getting Focused


I've been late to work. For every two times I've been on time, I've probably been late once. And I know what it all is, and where it's coming from and why it's happening. It's my subconscious sabotaging things because even though I am fortunate and grateful to be making money and a good amount of it, I hate having a "job", and I'm resentful that it takes up so much of my time, and then I just want to spend all day on my laptop doing shit like this but the thought of that makes me feel guilty because hey, I have a job to do, one that someone else is working hard to pay me for. So I tune out the laziness and do my job.

This is a dangerous subject for me to be so open about, but I'm doing so because I think it's something we can all relate to. And sometimes we just need people to spare us the bullshit and be real. So voilà.

I can't really make any excuses because there are none. Sometimes I just won't wake up [I slept through my alarm for 30 minutes today for example]. Sometimes I'll roll over and see that I have 20 minutes until I have to go and still fail to feel any sense of urgency. Sometimes I'll manage to get up and instead of moving around fluidly, I'll stand in front of my closet for 5 minutes motionless, lying to myself that I'm standing there looking for something to wear. When the reality is, I'm sleeping. Sleeping standing up, with my eyes open and my toothbrush hanging out the side of my mouth.

I'm a small time entrepreneur already but I want to be a game-changer, a mogul, a revered member of the urban elite. I want to pop bottles and make it rain on them hoes. [I'm kidding.] Touching a bit on my last post... there's this feeling of melancholy. I talked about how I've been productive but have felt uninspired. My energy has been blah-zay, my shine has felt a little dimmed. I've been going through the motions so to speak. But that's all because I haven't been focused. So last week I picked a beautiful day to get out of my element and sit in the park. I picked up "A New Earth" and read it again. So many things clicked for me, but even still it's hard to put those wise words into motion. How does one stay present while still working towards their future? How do you rid yourself of anxiety and stress and worry when life is so unstable and topsy-turvy? How much anger or sadness is healthy? Repressing feelings surely can't be healthy either. I guess one has to find out what's best for them. And I can at least say that I know what to do with my feelings. There's a method to my madness [when something major happens, I let myself cry/vent for a day-week usually and then put my foot down on the emotions], things I know I can do that allow me to just be... but what I must do is own those things. I shouldn't allow myself to be swayed by how others handle things. I am who I am, you are who you are and we will do what we do. We will do what we each know is best for ourselves.

And what I know right now is that although I'm fortunate and doing well, I need a change and I need to hustle to get there. The plan is an intimate hour each morning with a cup of café and my business plans. And of course, to get to work on time.

p.s. - Brazen Careerist is a godsend for career-oriented folks of any type. Check it out. [Edit: I also just discovered Mixergy which is wonderful for internet entrepreneurs. Amazing!!!]

Friday, May 6, 2011

Great Guiling


People are always saying they hate liars... which is understandable because I hate hypocrites. Most people who say they hate liars are hypocrites. Because most of them lie up and down all day themselves.

Except for me. I like to keep it straight gully because I prefer to cut through swamps of shit and running around the forest. And I don't hate liars, I mean they're annoying but they're ultimately easy to sniff out.

I'm gonna make a bold statement right now: I don't lie. But that is precisely why I'm licensed to discuss this here topic.

The topic being liars and punk bitches [but really just whatever I want].

What's with all the lying and hush hushness with dating and hooking up and getting to know people? Am I the only one who has the balls to say "Never in a million years" or "You look A LOT like my new boyfriend" or "What's poppin son you lookin mad gud, you trynna let me hit?"

I mean, am I?!

Rejection isn't so bad. People talk about playing it cool and taking it easy but they treat approaching someone or being forthcoming like it's the end of the world. I've approached plenty of men in my heyday [ages 14-16] - and if they said they didn't wanna dance or talk I kept it moving! With deeper crushes I would weigh my options, and if the odds were in my favor I'd pounce. If not, I'd pine silently. For the record all the guys I crushed on as a teenager are so marginal now that we should all thank the lord baby jesus that nothing panned out. There always seemed to be something more planned for me and I'm glad that I went the way of the light.


And what are all these lies by omission? When a guy begins to avoid something a little too much I can already tell something is wrong, and I mean avoiding anything from a serious topic to my eyes. It's like liars like to get caught.

The worst is when you're telling the truth and someone still thinks you're lying. Like being late to work. Why do reasons for lateness always come out sounding like made-up excuses? It's the shame attached to it.

Why do people lie about small things? Usually to make themselves look better. Because humans are mostly insecure. Also, some people get off on it. They think they've deceived you and gotten away with something meanwhile we're all like "Yeahhh oookay Bobby."

Lying is so 90s. Just like Guile from Street Fighter [I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. We all know poor Guile got no love until Jean-Claude Van DAMN got behind him].

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Successful


I have drafts upon drafts that I began to compose yet never finished, all random thoughts that I felt the need to urgently jot down. Thoughts that usually make me think "What the fuck was I talking about?" or "I need to stop thinking so much" once I look at them again a while later. Every now and then though, something I penned catches my eye, and it sticks, and I passionately expound on it.

But inspiration is funny like that. I've long thought that creative types are out of their mind. I mean, we kind of are. How do we explain to someone that while walking down the cereal aisle at the grocery store, you had an epiphany about your next painting? Or while in the shower, you always spout the freshest poetry. Or while making small talk with someone, you get this dope idea for something you'd like to write about.

Even though I've been hella productive, I haven't had a ton of "inspiration" lately. Mostly I've been like "I haven't blogged in a while, maybe I could write about..." and then I mentally cross out every idea I come up with. I don't want to bore you guys with the same ol same ol, there's a million other blogs for that. There's so many people just rambling about their inane thoughts and common lives and mediocre ideas. Now don't get me wrong, you can talk about a common struggle but at least make it interesting. Make a point or leave it alone. And I know what most bloggers cover because I avidly check out my "competition". The majority of them can't hold a candle to the Blue. 

Let's have a moment of silence for their future demise.

Anyway, maybe now is a good time to tell you that I had a 6 day vacation at then end of April and all I did was sleep all day and read/write through the night. People were yelling at me to go to sleep but they didn't realize that I was in my element. I was in my groove. I'm a total night owl, and however many years of waking up early has not rectified that. But I don't think it's something to be rectified... except for the fact that if I could, I'd sleep days and live nights forever, the flipside so to speak.

Oh and then the week after my vacation I worked a few more hours than my usual, and all I could bring myself to do once I came home was wash away the city grime and plop right into bed. [Sleep is such a guilty pleasure of mine, I can't even begin to tell you!] And as a matter of fact that's what I'm going to do today as well. But hey I'm sick. Every Spring I lose my voice, but this year the loss came with a crazy bout of allergies. I always thought allergies were a mild case of the sniffles that people exaggerated for attention. Well. Never will I ever underestimate the power of allergies again, since I am being attacked by them now and sorely losing.

So I don't really know what this post is about. I guess it's about the fact that life can sometimes be simple.  Monotonous even. It's about the fact that no one should take my silence lightly. I'm hard at work almost always, and when you are hungry you don't talk, you eat. *Insert line about how real G's move in silence like lasagna or whatever nonsense* Talking to my friends on the phone, I worried that they could misconstrue the calm in my voice to mean boredom or stillness. The thought of that made me cringe. I don't dare even use the word bored to describe how I may feel [I prefer restless]. Because I mean, all circumstances considered I'm pretty happy. And then of course, upon hanging up, it would hit me.

That familiar feeling of "I'm Lady Blue of BlueShame fame."

And I'm fucking successful.