Thursday, October 27, 2011

Roses

Roses really smell like poo poo poo

I can't stand this girl... but who cares about her?!?! 
LOOK AT THIS DRESS!!! 
It's so spectacular, it needed its own post. 
If someone could just take it in at the waist and dip it in white -
I would totally get married in it. 
Yes please.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

The Shame in Slut Shaming

Slut-shaming.

There are so many avenues to explore with a topic like this, one that most people [especially people of color] feel strongly about. I've never heard so much hoe-slinging as I do around Black and Hispanic people!... I wonder why that is. Maybe someone can tell me in the comments?

A 411 on hoochies:
The thing about being promiscuous is this is what people call a 'hoe'. [Although, I personally prefer the word 'whore' - it has a rough, grimy sound to it that I really enjoy.] I know it's unfair and it's a label, but labels are how humans assess each other and process life. Note: I'm not talking about prostitution and all the rap songs blathering about "pimps and hoes" [which I just learned is a real phenomenon after watching the heart-wrenching documentary "Very Young Girls" - call me suburban sheltered], I'm talking about individuals who have lots of sex freely and openly. 

Are you a hoe?
Now let's say you are promiscuous individual. No one should make you feel ashamed of that, for what you do with your body is your choice to make. The bigger and better question is, do you feel shame in accepting what you do with your body? Because if you feel shame, therein lies an issue. You should never feel shame in anything that you do. If you feel no shame, then congratulations, there is a strong chance you have found your calling. But before you run off to celebrate, here's a question: Who are you? Why do you make the choices you make? And if you cannot answer that question from a place of truth and positivity [or without mentioning your physical traits or sex - sex being something you do and share, not what or who you are], then odds are, your choices come from a place of hurt and pain - and that's another major issue. If this is you, dig deep and find answers.

[I wish I had a lyric to toss in here, something like "Hoes have hearts too" or "Grab a hoe, teach a hoe"; but alas, I don't listen to enough hip-hop.]

Whores in my personal space:
We all know that I'm particular about who I date. Recently I just realized that "New Yorker" or "Willing to live in the city at least semi-permanently" is a necessary add-on to my mental list of must-haves. Yay for narrowing the pool even further! But another thing I know and believe, is that PSA: Men can be hoes too!* And that, has always been a dealbreaker. Why? Let's examine the reasons why I won't date a hoe.


Hell no! Hoes got to go!
  • I've never met a well-adjusted, sexually promiscuous person. I don't do delusional men and I don't do baggage carrying men.
  • Extreme behavior of any type is a bad sign, and I feel no different when it comes to sex. Addictive behavior [to anything] and excess [of anything] is disastrous.
  • Sleeping with almost anyone shows poor taste and low standards. There is no exclusivity between your thighs. Your nether regions are a 99 cents store, everyone can afford you and everyone is allowed in. Plus, you are probably disorganized, dirty and crammed with plastic crap that no one really wants. I'm more of a boutique girl... I have security at the door, luxurious pieces, and high prices - and if you aren't high end like moi - then obviously we are not evenly yoked.
  • You probably have a gaping hole somewhere inside that you are trying to fill. And you'll be chronically unsuccessful, because a physical act like sex [which is what it is, in this case] isn't the way to fill an emotional gap.
And so on and so forth. 

So as you can see, there is no need to "slut-shame" anyone, ever. Chances are, that person already feels a deep sense of shame, one that your unnecessary taunts will never begin to replicate. If anything, I would insist on helping that hoes understand why they do what they do. And if they are already aware of the reasons, then hey! Let a slut be a slut, if you aren't personally affected by it, what's it to you anyway? Live and let live.

*Some guys looove to throw the "hoe" word around as the word hoe only refers to women. As if they aren't in the club every weekend grinding it out with the first female to "pop that pussy for a real goon". So, please, spare me. All the "grabby" guys and all the girls who grind on anything with a penis are two peas in a pod in my book.

p.s. - Apparently I am giving hoe tips on twitter, here and here. It was just a thought.

Friday, October 21, 2011

The Strut


I just purchased these unbelievably sexy shoes [the Scarlett pump by Sam Edelman] this week, but unfortunately, they have to go back. The heel is 5 inches high, and while I can manage that height with certain shoes, these make me feel like my ankle is going to snap at any moment. Scary. I was surprised by that though because Sam Edelman usually makes uber comfortable shoes [which is why I love the brand].

So I'm now I've been eyeing these adorably foxy shoes as a replacement [the Marina pump] - and just as I prepared to sit down and nab the first pair I saw, I realized it comes in a handful of colors and combinations, and I need help choosing.

Here are my top 3:


The red ones are a bright splash of color and are a bit spicy, and they serve another useful purpose: they'd make my ethnicity easily identifiable to others. [Which is important to someone who gets questioned all the time.]


The purple pair provide a needed pop of color while still blending effortlessly with my mostly cool-toned wardrobe. Plus it was once the color of royalty. [And we all know how I feel about myself.]


These blue bad boys are in the running because I've been looking for a sharp yet not-so-blatant blue shoe, and this pretty lil silk number might be it. [Also, I've been dreaming about a blue shoe.]

[EDIT:]
I just found this J. Crew shoe [the Viv printed pump] and I'm digging it... but I feel like if I tilt my head just so, they look a little matronly. Also the price feels a bit too high for what is a somewhat, stuffy shoe.


Is there a clear winner? Leave your thoughts in the comments!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Beauty isn't for everyone

I'm sure you've seen one of these quotes floating around the internet, quips oft posted by throngs of 16 year old girls who wish them to be true:

Nice thought, but try again.

Chill...

Why do I have an issue with these images? Because they're untrue. We're going to talk about beauty in the natural, bare bones, physical sense, as is defined here: A combination of qualities that pleases the aesthetic senses, especially the sight. Beauty also known as: prettiness, attractiveness or loveliness.

I'm a big fan of being realistic. And I'm going to show you just how real I can get.

The key to raising the collective female self-esteem is not by telling everyone they're beautiful just the way they are. That's actually the wrong thing to do. Why? Because it creates a false reality. Although it can be argued that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, we must admit that not everyone is physically beautiful; just like not everyone has blue eyes and not everyone has brown hair. If you convince everyone that they are attractive even when they are clearly not, model castings will become the visual equivalent of American Idol auditions. And who wants to be the person to tell a two on a scale of one to ten that their face is just not symmetrical?

Certainly not I.

So here is the key. You ready? The key is to take the emphasis off of physical beauty to begin with. Far too much emphasis is placed on physical beauty in our society, that it is often enough to have it and flaunt nothing else. Here's a little newsflash about your looks though [barring body modifications: weight loss/gain, plastic surgery, tattoos/piercings, muscles of course]: Not only are they subjective, but you can't take any credit for them. You got what you got and there's really nothing more to it. All you can do from then on is work with what you have, and keep it in perspective.

We need to teach our young men and women that we are much much more than just our fleshly bodies. That even if you aren't a looker to most, you better have something in that brain of yours that makes folks look twice! You better have something to say, and the ability to say it with confidence. You better have a hobby, you better be good at something, you better hold your head high and have something to offer to the world and others. You better be a star on the inside and you better let it shine. Because the worst kind of ugly is the kind where the person practically needs an exorcism.

Essentially, we need to attach more importance to the sparkle of a personality than the degree of hip curvature.

This is a message to everyone, all of the beautiful and all of the not so: Don't rest your worth on something that is unchangeable and ultimately fleeting. Focus on what stays. How tasty is a beautifully frosted cake with rotten filling anyway? What good is a beautiful front yard garden when the house is empty? But let's not get it twisted either: the house with the antiques, crown molding and marble inside could also use a power wash outside. Not working your outside to the best of your ability is just as bad as being a blankhead Barbie.

You're probably thinking "Well this is easy for you to say Lady Blue, you're so beautiful/stunning/a goddess." And to that, I say two things and two things only.
1) I know *flips hair* take a picture, it'll last longer and 2) Even models sometimes look a wreck.

Peep below: 

If you do not zoom in on this picture, you have missed out on one of life's greatest opportunities.

This is why it's important to have a personality. Makeup washes off and clothes come off. And all that's left is you.

Looks can get you in the door, but personality determines whether you stay in the building.

P.S. - Don't listen to the media. Fuck the media and their regurgitated and impossible standards of beauty... [ie: tall and thin, white and light] when have they ever been right about anything? The media plays zero part in how I feel about myself, and you should make them nonexistent in your life too. [See Lesson #2 in The Four Agreements: Don't take anything personally - what others say and do is a projection of their own reality.]

Addendum:
This post was inspired by many things; the media, tumblr, Jay-Z even... but mostly something that I tweeted just the other day: What's the big deal about being attractive? It's gotten me NOTHING other than a bunch of unwanted attention from losers who have no chance. I got a few haha's replies in return, but a few women agreed with me. In my experience, it has been the truth. When I really thought about it, nothing but my brains and mental and emotional strength got me where I am today. Not my thin figure, not my full lips, not my brown ringlets, not even my pretty hazel eyes. And although I've always known I have desirable and enviable features, I've never rested my laurels on my physical appearance. I always felt like the day I did that, would be the day I'd come across someone who thought I wasn't even all that. Looks aren't everything, I mean, look at Oprah.