Wednesday, October 26, 2011

The Shame in Slut Shaming

Slut-shaming.

There are so many avenues to explore with a topic like this, one that most people [especially people of color] feel strongly about. I've never heard so much hoe-slinging as I do around Black and Hispanic people!... I wonder why that is. Maybe someone can tell me in the comments?

A 411 on hoochies:
The thing about being promiscuous is this is what people call a 'hoe'. [Although, I personally prefer the word 'whore' - it has a rough, grimy sound to it that I really enjoy.] I know it's unfair and it's a label, but labels are how humans assess each other and process life. Note: I'm not talking about prostitution and all the rap songs blathering about "pimps and hoes" [which I just learned is a real phenomenon after watching the heart-wrenching documentary "Very Young Girls" - call me suburban sheltered], I'm talking about individuals who have lots of sex freely and openly. 

Are you a hoe?
Now let's say you are promiscuous individual. No one should make you feel ashamed of that, for what you do with your body is your choice to make. The bigger and better question is, do you feel shame in accepting what you do with your body? Because if you feel shame, therein lies an issue. You should never feel shame in anything that you do. If you feel no shame, then congratulations, there is a strong chance you have found your calling. But before you run off to celebrate, here's a question: Who are you? Why do you make the choices you make? And if you cannot answer that question from a place of truth and positivity [or without mentioning your physical traits or sex - sex being something you do and share, not what or who you are], then odds are, your choices come from a place of hurt and pain - and that's another major issue. If this is you, dig deep and find answers.

[I wish I had a lyric to toss in here, something like "Hoes have hearts too" or "Grab a hoe, teach a hoe"; but alas, I don't listen to enough hip-hop.]

Whores in my personal space:
We all know that I'm particular about who I date. Recently I just realized that "New Yorker" or "Willing to live in the city at least semi-permanently" is a necessary add-on to my mental list of must-haves. Yay for narrowing the pool even further! But another thing I know and believe, is that PSA: Men can be hoes too!* And that, has always been a dealbreaker. Why? Let's examine the reasons why I won't date a hoe.


Hell no! Hoes got to go!
  • I've never met a well-adjusted, sexually promiscuous person. I don't do delusional men and I don't do baggage carrying men.
  • Extreme behavior of any type is a bad sign, and I feel no different when it comes to sex. Addictive behavior [to anything] and excess [of anything] is disastrous.
  • Sleeping with almost anyone shows poor taste and low standards. There is no exclusivity between your thighs. Your nether regions are a 99 cents store, everyone can afford you and everyone is allowed in. Plus, you are probably disorganized, dirty and crammed with plastic crap that no one really wants. I'm more of a boutique girl... I have security at the door, luxurious pieces, and high prices - and if you aren't high end like moi - then obviously we are not evenly yoked.
  • You probably have a gaping hole somewhere inside that you are trying to fill. And you'll be chronically unsuccessful, because a physical act like sex [which is what it is, in this case] isn't the way to fill an emotional gap.
And so on and so forth. 

So as you can see, there is no need to "slut-shame" anyone, ever. Chances are, that person already feels a deep sense of shame, one that your unnecessary taunts will never begin to replicate. If anything, I would insist on helping that hoes understand why they do what they do. And if they are already aware of the reasons, then hey! Let a slut be a slut, if you aren't personally affected by it, what's it to you anyway? Live and let live.

*Some guys looove to throw the "hoe" word around as the word hoe only refers to women. As if they aren't in the club every weekend grinding it out with the first female to "pop that pussy for a real goon". So, please, spare me. All the "grabby" guys and all the girls who grind on anything with a penis are two peas in a pod in my book.

p.s. - Apparently I am giving hoe tips on twitter, here and here. It was just a thought.

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Be succinct and keep it classy :)