Thursday, May 10, 2012

Worst Duets Ever

Du·et [noun] - A duet is a musical composition involving two performers. I think the best duets involve a pair of artists whose talents are on a similar level, and whose voices compliment each others. Examples of great pairings are: 
  • Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes on Dirty Dancing's “Time of my life”
  • Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell on “Ain't no mountain high enough”
  • Ciara and Justin Timberlake on “Love and sex and magic”
  • Method Man and Mary J. Blige's rendition of “You're all I need” [my jam!]
Whoever [Pharrell?] decided to mix SWV's “Right here” with Michael Jackson's “Human Nature” knows what I'm talking about. Diddy knows what I'm talking about - most of his collabos? Classic. Great pairings = great songs, you see. Before I announce my worst picks [complete with video], I would like to say that only TWO of these songs are on my Ipod. *ahem*


Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston - “When You Believe”
What was Mariah thinking going up against Whitney?! Who told her it was okay to sign up for this? While I think Mariah Carey has an incredible range, I find her actual voice [tone and pitch] to be poor. *waits for the stans* Especially that talk-singing hum-ho whisper shit she does in every song [she did it right before she sang in this song!]. Her dog-whistle high note is excruciating as well. When you believe... I believe Whitney slayed Mariah here, as she would anyone who sang with her, honestly. [RIP! Whitney was the greatest voice I had heard in my lifetime...  that woman hit crazy notes like she was blinking an eye. Girl!] The better choice? Celine, of course.


Usher and Alicia Keys - “My Boo”
This song isn't all that bad, expect for the odd claim that Alicia and Usher knew each other as awkward preteens... [how? Weren't they raised in two entirely different cities? Anyways.] My beef with this song is that Mrs. Swizz Beatz and Usher are a terrible vocal mismatch. Usher may as well be singing from the female's point of view, because Alicia's voice is deeper than his. TELL ME YOU DIDN'T HEAR IT TOO! I'm just sayin' though. At least Alicia Keys glowing beauty made up for all the sexyface that Usher was giving the camera. [Did anyone peep Samantha Ronson spinning in the beginning of the video? And R. Les?! My favorite! And LOL at Usher saying "I keep a dollar worth of dimes", considering who he married.] Anyways, the better choice was obviously: Kelly Rowland. Jojo would've been so cute in this song but an interracial love song? Uh-oh! Controversial! *eyeroll* She also would've been too young.


Beyonce and Shakira - “Beautiful Liar”
This song is so awful that I can't even find a youtube video for it. On top of being a terrible song about nothing in particular, you've got Shakira's froggy ass voice weaved all up in it [she's cute and can wiggle but how she reached all-star fame as a singer is beyond me]. Plus I couldn't tell who was who in the goddamn video! I always said that barring skintone, Shakira and Beyonce look exactly alike, [and throw a curly wig on J-Lo and we could toss her in the lookalike contest too] but this video was just too much. The better choice: to have thrown this track on the cutting room floor as soon as it was suggested.


Beyonce and Lady Gaga - “Telephone”
Like Kobe Bryant, Beyonce suffers from a severe case of spotlight syndrome. When she and Gaga collaborated on her song videophone, Gaga changed her style up a bit, sang her lil R&B run, and left it alone. Gaga tried to fit in, like any normal person would. Beyonce is always trynna be the star, even if she's on another person's track. There was no need for her to bark out her verse like this. [P.S. - Gaga was wylin in this video.] The better choice: Another ethnically-ambiguous, hip-shaking songstress, Amerie.


Drake ft. Eminem, Kanye and Lil Wayne - “Forever”
Quick question: What does LeBron have to do with this song? Anyways, this collab was a mistake purely due to the inclusion of Eminem. The "ay ay ay" before he spit got me amped and after I heard his verse, my jaw literally dropped. I swear I saw blood because that was quite a killing! He was like... rapping in between the beat or something. I remember tweeting and talking about it to anyone who would listen, and I'm not even a fan. Good thing they put him last because if he had gone first, I would have turned the song off after his brilliant few seconds. They shoulda never put his ass on there, especially after Lil Wayne, whose verse was absolutely useless [as usual lately!] The better choice: Young Jeezy or something like that.


Justin Timberlake ft. T.I. - “My Love”
I love this video because JT was dancing like he had rent to pay. But anyway. Was T.I. not advised of the theme of this song before he wrote his rhyme? His rap has nothing to do with the content of the song, in fact, his rap suggests quite the opposite. My dude said "I'm patient, but I ain't gonna try... You don't come, I ain't gonna die..." and "forget your face, I swear I will" on a track called 'My Love'. Rappers always do this... talking about whatever they want on songs as if whatever they say is just gonna blend in. Hell no! Learn how to read lyrics and infer! The better choice: 50 Cent, he sticks to the framework.

After writing this, I started to remember other terrible duets, so watch out for part II!

1 comment:

  1. lol entertaining read! Did you know Nelly was on the original version of My Boo with Usher? and the forever track was on the soundtrack for Lebron's movie about his Highschool.

    Wiz

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