“Power
has got to be the most intoxicating thing in the world – and of all
forms of power, the most intoxicating is fame.”
Oh
the illustrious Diana Vreeland. What a game-changer. She's right.
Fame is so scarily seductive that it was always hard for me to admit
I wanted it. “Not fame as we know it,” I'd say. Something else.
But ultimately, I want to be known, and I want to influence people to
do better, think or just laugh.
I
read that as a young girl, she had always looked for the perfect
woman to idealize, and having never found her decided “I shall be
that girl.” In many ways, this describes my life and my journey to
where and who I am now.
I
grew up in a small, dead end suburban town, skinny with perfect
diction, surrounded by girls who favored squeezing their still
developing bodies into tight denim, who spoke with nasally Nuyorican
accents reminiscent of Rosie Perez. We were different, and upon
entering middle school, and later High School, I immediately knew. I
liked books, they liked boys – and we shared no common interests,
which luckily, meant that no one bothered me, and I definitely didn't
go looking for them.
Sometimes
in certain classes, we took turns reading. Whenever the teacher
called on me to read, I would listen for the familiar deafening
silence between my words, the class listening intently to my husky
for my age voice and effortless pronunciation. It was then that I
knew the respect that my presence could command. I was regarded as
quiet, but certainly not a weakling, and definitely not dumb. I spoke
when necessary, otherwise deeming everyone and their teenage toils as
beneath me. I excelled in classes that naturally held my attention,
while slacking off in others, innately knowing that no human had to
be good at everything.
As
I began to grow, I took the things I learned through books, through
carrying on with new people, through unfiltered observation and I
began to assemble myself. At some point, the kind of girl I wanted to
be became a paramount occupation. I started to daydream, imagine and
wonder. And I knew there was no other place for me but the city.
Paris was a contender, but it was too far. I figured I would start
closer to home.
“-
ravishing
personalities are the most riveting things in the world --
conversation, people's interests, the atmosphere that they create
round them -”
Over
the years I have become a unique and alluring personality, adept at
reading and reeling in others with a relative ease. Who I am is a
perfect blend of what I was born with, and the neat things I picked
up, like an interest in chic style and neutral palettes, an extended
vocabulary, and reverting my consumption to most things natural.
I
skipped school and I'm not a Beyonce fan, and I don't see the point
in small talk and I moved to the city of my dreams with $200 in my
pocket. I do what I say I will and I know myself, and I always have.
I think connection is one of the most important things in the world,
and I make money because it makes my life easier. I am not
indecisive, and when I say I am brilliant and gorgeous and I am
utterly in love with myself, I'm not lying.
I
don't care about what's popular, I care about what's actually good,
what makes sense, what has soul and passion and flavor and depth.
Does it move me? Does it show my brilliant mind something I haven't
heard before? Does it make me better? Does it expand my perspective?
I care about what's relevant to my interests, and I'll readily admit
that those things are of limited scope.
Diana
Vreeland was a neon mind in a world of gray. She was the woman she
was partly due to what she was born with, and partly due to what she
learned on the way. This world forces you to dream to get through it,
it forces you to shape shift to get by in the outside world, but also
to survive your own. Diana became who she did out of pure necessity,
it's obvious to me that part of her mental fantasy was a colorful attempt to stay vibrant in our dull reality. As a result, she became intoxicating. I think there were some people who found her overwhelming, fantastical, commandeering. She never obtained lasting power, but she was able to attain fame, and I believe she felt that suited her. After all, it was the top tier of power, and when it came to herself, Diana only wanted the best of the best.