Thursday, May 1, 2014

Strides

“I hope I can follow established procedures today. On second thought, I'll settle for a few minutes.”

This is my daily struggle, as an ENTP [MBTI], an extrovert - intuitive - thinker - perceiver the “Visionary” who always has million and one ideas floating through their head, so many that it makes it hard to pick one with which to follow through.

I haven't written in a long long while, it's been so long that I don't even want to check to see the date of my last post. Other than leaps and bounds in mental and emotional growth, not much has happened. I made a lot of money very quickly last year. I thought I fell in love with someone, and after it was all over, I realized that I never was.

I feel calm, comfortable, and HAPPY, and did not realize what a load I was carrying until it lifted.

I'm dating again, because I want to and because I'm ready. The real thing is out there waiting for me somewhere, I just know it. And I wouldn't be me if I didn't go out there and look for it. Dealing with people is so much easier now that I trust myself enough to completely listen to my gut. I don't wait for proof now, any semblance of a sinking feeling is proof enough. The only regrets I have are related to people I let in, despite my gut warning me about them. No more chances. My heart can't take it anymore.

I'm making a lot of new strides. When I first decided to become an entrepreneur, I spent a lot of time at home, with my head down, my eyes glued to my computer screen. I was obsessed with reading and research, and stayed inside because it was comfortable and minimized the amount of money I spent. After months of working for someone else, and a few more weeks of interpersonal trial and error, I was tired of dealing with people, their quirks, their anxieties, their instability. I was focused on me, my business and making this virtual thing work.

So for the first time in a long time, I'm back out there. Dating, meeting new people, making new friends. Telling strangers my life story, giving things a shot, trying to be patient when I feel like someone just doesn't understand, and trying to give people the benefit of the doubt without compromising the warning signs of my gut. I'm also seeking people to work with, makeup artists, photographers, videographers and beatmakers. I wonder about how to give people the space to create their best work, while still overseeing every step of the process.

I'm selling most of my closet on eBay and have been since the fall. It's time to make the transition from pieces that evoke color, comfort and youth to ones that look sharp, wise and cool like I've always dreamed. It's profound how things have changed for me now that I'm beginning to look like the woman I've always wanted to resemble.

I feel like I'm always in a state of transition and have often thought that it would be SO nice to write a post where I say “This is it. I'm finally here. Where I want to be.” But, if I'm honest, I know that growth and betterment is what life is all about. And more precisely, it's what I'M all about... an ENTP strength is the fact that they're extremely interested in self-improvement and growth, personally and within their relationships. So even though I'm not yet where I want to be, I can honestly that I'm closer than ever to getting there.

I hate that my posts can be so vague, but transparency will make an appearance via video. Stay tuned.

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Be succinct and keep it classy :)