Tuesday, October 17, 2017

On growing with strangers

I always love when I have a photo lurking somewhere that is perfect for what I've just written

Man. What a weird time to be alive huh? Trump is President, racism is a daily conversation topic, every single woman in the world is reporting a sexual assault and Mother Nature is unleashing her wrath on every place possible in every manner possible. Last I heard, Ireland of all places was getting hit with a hurricane, California was on fire, and I think Puerto Rico is still underwater after Maria, Maria (lol).

So it's been a while since I've written. A few people have asked me about that, “You haven't updated your blog in forever! You owe it to your readers.” While true, I bristle at the thought of owing anyone anything. It's that concept that gives me pause when it comes to sharing more of my work, whether it be my stories, my novels, my poetry, my videos. On one hand, I feel like sharing my voice and unique perspective is so needed, especially now; on the other hand, I want to engage with the general public as little as possible. I want to find like minds, yet I recoil at the possibility of attracting the “wrong” people (which has actually been a serious problem in my personal life. Did I tell you I came face-to-face with one of my worst stalkers on the subway a few weeks ago? Yeah. Wild shit. And he was as creepy as ever, of course).

But maybe the tide is turning in terms of who and what I attract. This past June, just around my birthday, I not only made a physical move (my third of many in the 10 or so months prior to that), but I (re)met the man with whom I'd fall in love. I love him so much that it makes me feel all the things all at once: Fear, excitement, elation, serenity, gratitude. It's straight out of a movie to connect with someone and just know that you're going to spend the rest of your life with them, but that's exactly what happened. And I think I knew it would always happen that way for me, despite all my dating fails and romantic woes. I always knew that at some point, I would find THE ONE. Not just A husband, but THE husband. It was a mustard grain sized belief at times, but listen, apparently that's all you need! (lol)

His love has been incredibly invigorating and sustaining throughout my period of career-related growing pains, and the regular growing we always do as mere humans. Committing to someone also presents challenges and new experiences, and I'm quickly learning that that's a whole 'nother level of rising to the occasion. 

So that's where I am in life right now, growing with him, growing alongside him, and still wondering whether I should grow a fanbase.