Saturday, May 26, 2012

May, you rumble with the B

This look bangs, and the girl looks bad ass. The B huh!

"You wanna rumble with the B, huh? I'll throw a hex on the whole family."

I've thought about writing a “What I've been up to” blog post for a few weeks now, and every time the thought has popped into my head, the stuff I intended to write about varied wildly from the last time. Little did I know the turnaround my life would make. What would have been a somewhat morose blog post about job loss, feeling lost and a potential court case for libel and defamation, has now morphed into a tale about connections, discovering one's power and staying true to oneself. What has transpired these past few weeks is a wonder that I can barely describe, but here is my attempt:

On Thursday, April 19th I quit the last job I would ever have [but I didn't know it at the time]. On Monday April 23rd, puzzled at all the “declined” messages I was receiving from employers in response to my resume, I hunted down the reason. And there it was: my insane ex-employer of only 8 days had left a remark on my profile accusing me of the most abominable and retaliatory things she could muster. Even though I knew her claims were entirely libelous, I immediately thought “Oh shit. My career in this field is over.” In the midst of my fuming anger, I then started thinking of another way to make money. 

Thursday, May 24, 2012


I am telling you, as soon as I locate the pictured dress, shoe and bling [or similar enough versions], they will be all I ever wear. This entire look from head-to-toe is so bomb, that my eyes almost popped out of my head when I first saw it. This lady looks like a gotdam BOSS! My amazing new pal Blue [yes I made a new friend named Blue, and yes we are ridiculously similar] has promised to make me the dress for my 25th birthday, in... wait for it... cerulean silk!!! I could pass out. Who's your mami?!

Friday, May 18, 2012

One Woman Show

I adore, admire and appreciate women who can stand on their own; women who mercilessly reach for their dreams and go at it alone, oftentimes because they have to. I always knew I was wise beyond my years, but trust me, I wasn't always this focused and driven. It happened over time, when I truly grasped the fact that my life was solely in my hands. Like Lady Gaga once said "I'm a fearless person. I think it creeps up on you. I don't think it can be stopped." She's right of course, and ever since the desire for something more arose within me, I have been a one woman, unstoppable show.

Here are some videos that display what a One Woman Show looks like when done right. Get em girls!

Jenny from the block kills it in this [alternate] video for 'Get Right'. From the sparkly jewels paired with casual outfits [no one does hood glam like J-Lo], to the neutral color scheme, to the "I dare you to pull your eyes away..." dance moves, she proves that she can handle the spotlight all on her own. [I'm about 100% sure I could take J-Lo in a dance-off though.]

All Amerie needed to stun in this video was herself and those indomitable legs. It's this one thing that got me trippin! You better work that band girl! One woman show, indeed. 

"I market it it so good, they can't wait to try-y-y-y-y me." According to this line, Ciara wholly understands the elements of what a One Woman Show needs to succeed. You have to market yourself rather well, you see. I've always liked Ciara because she's one of the few chicks in the industry who can really dance something fierce. With that being said, I'm about 90% sure I could take her.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

The Dichotomy of the Music Industry

This documentary "Adult Rappers" looks interesting although it seems marred by the palpable disappointment emanating from these guys voices. I feel like I can see the hurt in their eyes, the faint hint of pain that arises from within when a dream is deferred. So of course I'm intrigued.

The music industry has come into my focus for a few reasons: I have many friends in the industry, a central character in my forthcoming novel dabbles in it, and I have a simultaneous curiosity and skepticism of the infamous Illuminati.

Here is my take on the upsides of being a well-known artist in the music industry:
  • The exhilarating feeling of stepping foot onstage and doing what you love for hundreds of people who came out to see just you.
  • Free swag.
  • “Success is the best revenge.” Being able to finally say “Fuck you, I made it” to all the people who doubted you.
  • Money like you've never seen before! [Sure you can get screwed like TLC, but generally, the cash is better than any gotdam 9-5 minimum wage job]
  • If your friends are also creative or in the industry, you can bring them along. A crew so to speak.
  • Going on tour, a different city every night.
  • Meeting and schmoozing with the best of the best.
  • Award shows and potentially being nominated for your work.
  • Accolades upon accolades.
  • Groupies upon groupies [I don't know if female artists care about this all that much].
  • Collaborations that you only dreamed of in the past.
  • Getting to meet your idols.
  • Seeing the world and traveling all over.
  • The ill, non-stop PARTIES.
  • Did I mention the money?
All of the aforementioned reasons are strong motivations for wanting fame and success. But as with everything, there are downsides:
  • The grueling schedule.
  • The non-stop traveling.
  • The lack of personal time [Do artists have time to shower and eat 3 square meals everyday?]
  • The crushing loneliness and isolation.
  • Lots of talking to strangers [interviews etc].
  • The ever persistent slaying in the media [I think the media very quickly decides whether they like you or not, and then for the rest of your career, they ride on that].
  • The more money you make, the more money you spend.
  • The lack of privacy [not only do you have the public up your ass, but you are constantly surrounded by managers, assistants, and the people who work for you. Choose them wisely].
  • The [unfair] pressure of being a "role model".
  • The susceptibility to heavy drug use and the rampant mental and emotional instability in your peers.
  • The "noise" never stops.
  • Gold diggers.
  • The insulation and the sinking reality that you can't really trust anyone anymore [Why? You have now become someone who has too much to lose, someone who others can take plenty from.] 
  • The Illuminati [?]
I read a GQ interview about Justin Bieber, and the writer details just how secluded the 18 year old's life is, and just how vigilant his team of a dozen or so people are. He has little interaction with the outside world, and can't do simple things like eat at a restaurant or take a stroll at the nearby mall. From this we can gather two things; teenage girls are crazy as hell and the music industry is an entirely different world. Sure, you might be saying “I'd give up my freedom for the money that Bieber has!” but think about that again. You just put a price on something that wasn't meant to be bought. And let's be real here. Justin Bieber's team isn't gonna let him get out of line, because him doing so would fuck up countless paychecks. Basically, he cannot afford to fuck up and that's a lot of pressure. Their livelihood depends on this... this kid. In what other world would that be okay?

I think the best thing to do when you make it big is do what Gaga has done. She brought her talented friends with her to the top, and only works with them and other celebs that she respects. She fights for what she believes in [“My record label didn't want to put out that photo that's my album cover [The Fame Monster], with the brown hair... I fought and fought and fought, and I actually ended up having two covers”] and she makes her record label so much gotdam money that they pretty much grant her total creative control. She was relentless and her video “Marry the Night” is a visual display of how committed she truly was. Or you can just go it alone, like 50 Cent or Jay-Z.

Every industry has its good and bad sides, and the music industry is one particularly nasty little devil. But I understand that when you truly crave something, when you yearn for it more than anything else in the world... the only word you can hear in your head is:


Thursday, May 10, 2012

Worst Duets Ever

Du·et [noun] - A duet is a musical composition involving two performers. I think the best duets involve a pair of artists whose talents are on a similar level, and whose voices compliment each others. Examples of great pairings are: 
  • Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes on Dirty Dancing's “Time of my life”
  • Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell on “Ain't no mountain high enough”
  • Ciara and Justin Timberlake on “Love and sex and magic”
  • Method Man and Mary J. Blige's rendition of “You're all I need” [my jam!]
Whoever [Pharrell?] decided to mix SWV's “Right here” with Michael Jackson's “Human Nature” knows what I'm talking about. Diddy knows what I'm talking about - most of his collabos? Classic. Great pairings = great songs, you see. Before I announce my worst picks [complete with video], I would like to say that only TWO of these songs are on my Ipod. *ahem*

Wendy's Beautiful Lookbook

After I saw Wendy rocking the life out of a black-and-white striped dress [first pic], I had to know more about her [especially because I have a deep purple dress in a similar style]. A quick stalk later, I found her fashion blog Wendy's Lookbook, chock full of lush outfits and snippets of her everyday life. She comes across as a low-key, kindhearted, California girl who just loves beautiful pieces and looking wonderful. She's also adorable and petite [which I can relate to - twinsies!] To say that she has become a fashion inspiration for me is an understatement - I literally want to copy a third of her outfits. [We have lots of similar pieces so I can actually do that! Shameless.] I narrowed down my favorite Wendy outfits to these ten looks from the initial 28 that I bookmarked. Not that she needs any more publicity [she has almost 200,000 subscribers on youtube! Apparently youtube is the place to be if you want hella traffic!] but if you like a lady-like and classic aesthetic, do check her out.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Emotions taking me over

What makes you happy?
  • Making a connection with another human being.
  • Nachos. Berry Smoothies. Good food.
  • Being warm. Summertime.
  • Dessert.
  • New places. Traveling.
  • Bread. The literal and the figurative.
  • Coffee.
  • Buying new makeup and skincare stuff.
  • Feeling well-rested. Naps.
  • Chillin! Deuces up, playboy I'm coolin'! [this video is tough]
  • I dunno man... I kinda like the word swag.
  • The five minutes after a massage where you're awaking and wiping the drool off your face cause it was so damn good.
  • Good music made by musicians who know what the fuck they're doing!
  • Dancing, and peeping other people who can really dance. Love it.
  • Laughing.
  • Pepsi.
  • Any beat created by The Neptunes!
  • Cab rides. Being a passenger in a car with a good driver [so soothing].
  • Walking down the street or into a room and straight stunnin' folk.
  • Designer denim.
  • The fact that lyrics like "Is there any more room for me... in those jeans?" and "I seen your ass at the mall, in the fall, you the one with the dress on" exist.
  • Making my own money.
  • My apartment!
  • Judge Judy's lack of patience.
  • Random musical interludes in the midst of conversation.
  • Nighttime.
  • New York City, bitch!
  • The dougie.
  • Getting something in the mail.
  • Recognizing authenticity and ambition in others.
  • Getting pretty for a night out.
  • People who are on their A-game, know it, do the damn thing, and don't give a fuck what others think about it. [see: Lady Gaga]. Goddammit! I love people like this.
  • Clowning lame people.
  • Barack Obama.
  • Parties. Forever and always.
  • Old-school sayings like “Have a chill pill please” or “That's preposterous!”

Friday, May 4, 2012

Burning Boats

Danielle LaPorte writes: “There’s a story ... about about a mythic band of magic-loving Irish folk. Feeling the call for newness, they would forge out to settle on a new island. Necessarily, they would make the journey by ship. When they arrived to their next land they would unpack — and then promptly burn their boats. No desire to go back. Focused forward. New journey, new way of getting there, new results. Usually we want to do more of what got us to where we are. There is safety in repetition. Familiarity, best practices, proven techniques.”  

I really racked my brain for a solid answer to this one. And then it hit me that the boat I wanted to burn had nothing to do with my career, it had to do with my personal relationships. I had come to this conclusion a few months ago, but I'm sharing it horns-blaring-loud-and-clear with you now:

I am burning the boat that carried all the drowning people I had once attempted to save. 

That's bold and that's big and most importantly, that's not easy - especially since some of the lost souls I know are in my family. But I've hit my limit with guiding the lazy, insecure and lonely. All too often, the affair ends in disappointment, bitterness and remorse. Nowadays, I'm more interested in finding birds of a feather and soaring together. Or in true "Blue" terms: Get on my level or get out of my way.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Lit From Within

My head is swarming with the words expressed in the heartfelt testimonials* of my friends and acquaintances, where they wrote some of the most beautiful things I have ever laid eyes on. My heart gushed with appreciation since I haven't always received such wondrous support in my life.


I was talking to a friend about what my past experiences, especially what I've dealt with in these last few years... and I realized that I've been through hell and high water to get to where I am today. In 23 years and 11 months [yes, it's my birthday on June 1st], I have faced and surmounted countless obstacles, many often disguised as people I should trust.