Thursday, November 14, 2013

Figuring out what to do is hard when you're great at everything

Sometimes, when a song hits just the right groove, I find myself singing along. Sometimes people overhear me, and almost always they comment on the fine silkiness of my voice. Esthero-like. Smooth. Beautiful tone. “Maybe I can be a singer,” I think aloud while lying in bed one night. I picture myself in a studio, my hands over my headphones, my eyes squinty, my mouth crooning to some melded alt-R&B beat. I see myself on stage, and touring the world, and crashing in fabulous, tired but reaping the fruits of my incredible debut album. I know some excellent producers, I think. I know people who make music, I think. These people could help me. Then I start to think bizarre thoughts. “I'd like to be a one album wonder,” I say, preferring to eschew the barrage of fame that comes along with being a musical legend. No one goes into singing hoping to be a one hit wonder I mutter, and scratch the idea off my list just three minutes after thinking it.

What about a dancer? I pipe. I know someone who moved to LA in his mid twenties and three months later - despite having no formal dance training - had a paying gig. He has danced for Lady Gaga and Beyonce since. Not bad, I think. I once went to a party full of pros, and still managed to look impressive. “I'm old though,” I blurt out, remembering that I had turned 25 earlier this summer. And although I can cut a spontaneous rug, the 1-2-3-4 movements of professional dance classes are hard for me to follow. Plus touring around the world sounds cool and all... but I'd miss home. And all that being in the background shit? All that making the star look better shit? “Dancers don't get enough credit,” I decide and chuck the idea out just as fast as I did the last one.

Then I think about being a writer. And then I remember how I hate the pressure of deadlines, and editors who distort my ideas, and writing about asinine things in order to keep the attention of the ADD and disillusioned public. I think about being a novelist, and think about my book ideas that have been swimming through my brain for months now, with only character outlines and short passages written down on paper. I think about this blog and how I practically abandoned it for 6+ months. I think about how tons of people don't even like to read. Then I think, I'm too outgoing to be a writer. I need to be more visible. I need to out there in the world.

Then I think about the things I haven't thought about. The things that for some reason or another, I haven't done (or haven't touched in years). Fashion. Art. Photos. Videos. And my ultimate dream: Creative Directing. And then I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and decide that it's time to go in the direction of the unknown, and that now is the time to do it.

Now playing: "Donatella" - Lady Gaga

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

I'm baaaack

The world is big, and there are millions of blogs out there, but people with my perspective and opinion are few and far between. There might be a handful of bitches out there who are known as "Blue", but I'm the only one that matters.

Don't you just hate that you love me?

This is the longest I've gone without blogging since starting this thang in early 09. I didn't plan to stop, I think I just grew bored. I was tired of talking about myself, tired of typing, tired of the blogging scene in general. 

But now it's time to go in a new direction. Don't say I didn't warn ya.

Now playing: "Royals" - Lorde