Friday, February 27, 2015

DING DONG The Witch ain't Dead

Gorgeous Tiny House, in its natural habitat
Only two months into this new year, and I've already dated and dumped two people. Both of whom attempted to sweep me right into heaven almost as fast as they clumsily crashed right down into hell. I'm not one to suffer fools or peoples pathetic emotional games, and so off I went. For awhile all I was meeting were suavely dressed commitment phobes, and my last three dumpees were the polar opposite... needy types that wanted to rush into a relationship so fast my head almost spun off my neck. Why did I go with it? Well fuck, I'm an ENTP, curious as all get out, and hey, life needs a little excitement sometimes. We all date because we're wishing this next one might be the last one right? I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a sesame seed size grain of hope swimming in me somewhere.

These days, my career goals have been less about steady entrepreneurship and more about financial freedom. At halfway into my second decade of life, I've managed to avoid student loans, a car payment, a mortgage and pricy health insurance; some of those I dodged on purpose, others by happenstance. I am trying to figure out how to maintain this avoidance well into old age, all the while trying to figure out how to stay away from romantic timewasters, as they are APLENTY like indomitable roaches or something. If there was a god, I would pray at this moment.

Sometimes I feel as though I have it all. "Skinny, smart and pretty, living in New York City." But seriously, I have a home I love, a healthy sense of self, good relationships with others, talent, drive, intuition, a brain that works well enough for 6 people. But I'm missing two vital components, and to say they have plagued me for the past few years is an understatement. 

Despite having done quite well since naively landing in NYC 7.5 years ago with a mere $200, I have yet to find employment let alone a career that is fulfilling, lucrative and flexible – and the fact that most of you reading this will scoff “Well, no such thing exists” is part of the problem. Why are we relegated to jobs full of drudgery? All things considered, why the FUCK do we let this happen? The gigs that pay well in America aren't things that actually add any value to the world, never mind the country. And don't get me wrong, I'm no Mother fucking Theresa, but do we really need another kitschy T-shirt line? Another fucking financial advisor on Wall Street? Another husky football player, another wavy-haired pearly-white grinning sitcom star, another twee elitist fashion designer, another ethnically ambiguous perpetually off-key “singer”? Do we? Do we fucking do we?! Teachers in this country are making like, $500 a week. "Here, go wipe your ass with this, we value you so much."

We also work way too many hours in this country, and I've been dividing far too much of my time either A) resenting my parents for not emigrating to Spain instead of NY and B) wondering how I can escape to any decent country in Europe and somehow get citizenship. Because this greedy, capitalistic, all-we-care-about-is-your-motherfucking-green-dollars U.S. of A is bored, tired and OVER. We are the country that made the Kardashians famous, the country that complains endlessly about it, and the country that somehow made them even richer anyway. Because Americans are stupid. If you've opened your eyes wide enough, you've recognized the insanely superficial, debt-ridden and fear-mongering cycle we're in... I'm just here to shock the status-quo-loving shit out of you and admit it. It's like fresh blood on a blank page... startling when you first see it, but unmistakable.

The other thing is that, in 10 years of dating, I have yet to find a romantic partner that is both serious enough and suitable enough. That is to say that anyone I've met who wants to commit does little to nothing for me otherwise, and everyone I find attractive and intriguing is emotionally flaky/volatile. Considering I've dated a great span of ages, races and cultural upbringings, I'm not sure what to blame it on. I know I'm not everyone's dream girl, but let's be real, I certainly check off most boxes on peoples lists. I know one constant gavel-dropper is the fact that I don't tolerate jaded behavior, and I don't tolerate head games. Considering that both of those things are common in our generation (or perhaps just this twisted ass city), it makes sense how most people who deal with me end up verbally slayed and out on the street. I just can't and won't deal with it. No patience, no energy, no reason - all that jazz. We've all been hurt before people! Process your emotions, slay your demons and deal with it. Stop making every future encounter pay for what your exes did. It's childish and pathetic, and if you can’t play by the golden rules, then you should just sit this one out. For the record, that wasn't inspired by anyone in particular, I just notice trends on these streets, my brain sorts out the data, and I spit it out.

I hate this new wave of 'it's so cool to not care, to be jaded, to be an asshole'. Nobody thinks you're cool man. They just think you're a repetitive bore and a drain.

What I *AM* liking lately are these adorable ass tiny houses. If only I can figure out where to park one. Where in the states is it mostly warm, but not completely rural west-bumblefuck boringville? I'm not trying to be isolated or anything like that. I AM a petite and adorable young woman after all. (*makes mental note to park it in a state where I can have a gun – if I stay in the states at all*). Oh the 20s, it's a time of exploration, discovery, and challenge. If only you could navigate these years expense free.

And on another positive note, my first novel "Loud & Clear" will be available for pre-order soon. I'm looking for a designer at the moment to put together something flashy for y'all to look at as you click the BUY NOW button, ha! All the people who said they were looking forward to my book better be the first in line! Or else you can say hello to the block button... forever.

I never said I wasn't petty ;)

But if your trigger finger is itching to buy something in the meantime, you should hit up my store.

Aren't I ever the entrepreneur? ;)